Anger Management is something we all need to learn consciously. This is one of the worst emotional disturbances because it expresses itself in violence, hatred, hostility, war and torture. It also expresses itself in lesser ways such as resentment, bitterness, jealously, fault-finding, nagging, and destructive criticism. The first point you must understand is that it is you who create your own anger. No one else does. You talk yourself into it and it is up to you to talk yourself out of it.
How? You get angry in the first place by thinking you must have everything you want. You believe at that point that it is awful and horrible if you don’t get everything you want and who frustrate you are bad, and wicked and should be hated for their wickedness. People who think they should have everything they want are just full of prunes. A Just because other people frustrate you hardly makes them evil and horrible human beings who have to be criticized, beaten or killed. Anger, then, starts by your wanting, wishing, and desiring something. But before you know it you have changed your mental state (whether you realize it or not) and you convinced yourself instead that you must have what you want. In other words, you have changed your healthy and natural wishes and desires into neurotic needs and demands.
Controlling Anger: Tips, Treatments, and Methods
Now remember this point: if you don’t get what you want you only to become disappointed and regretful. That is not serious and happens to as throughout our lives. How many of you have wanted sobs rich, famous, beautiful, have a yacht on the Riviera, or have a new fur coat? And how many of you got furious and angry with the world because you didn’t get those things simply because you wanted them? Obviously only a very few of you.
Now, when you convince yourself that you have to have something and don’t get it, that’s a different story. Then you become hostile; furious, bitter, resentful, and you want to hurt everyone around you or scream your head off. But don’t you see what caused the anger? It is not the fact that you did not get what you wanted. It is the that thought you had to have something you wanted. Look at it this way. You have undoubtedly seen children throw tantrums. Why do they do this? Obviously, because they don’t get what they think they have to have. Isn’t that why a four-year-old child screams, kicks, and bangs his head on the floor?
Anger Management Techniques
What’s the difference between what this child is doing and what you are doing? There’s only one difference: the kinds of frustration. The child gets disturbed over not getting a lollipop or an ice-cream cone, whereas you wanted a pay raise, or more respect, or to win at a sports event. In other words, you have adult concerns, desires, and needs. But when you get angry, you are regressing to the level of a child and are behaving like a child. Aren’t you above that kind of foolish and infantile behavior? You would certainly hope so.
We know it is one of the things I continually must remind myself of whenever I find myself frustrated and am about to become angry. I immediately say to myself: ‘I am not a child. I don’t have to have everything I want. People who are frustrating me really aren’t bad, they’re simply mistaken or have some pretty strong views of their own which don’t agree with mine. That hardly means they are bad or ought to be severely punished. It just means that I am going to be frustrated and not get my way. So what? I am not a baby and I can stand it.’ When I talk to myself that way, I don’t get angry. You can easily do the same. And don’t bring up the argument of righteous anger.
All anger is righteous, or you wouldn’t be furious or resentful in the first place. The person you’re arguing with thinks the same righteous nonsense you do. Thus learning Anger Management will not only help us, but also to others. The more we practice, the better we become at it.